Recently I have surfed the internet reading about Asperger. This has eventually gotten me somewhat frustrated and angry when it comes to "symptoms of Asperger". Cause it seems to me like non-aspies prefer to look at Asperger from their point of view rather than the aspie point of view and this makes the symptoms having some bias.
It also causes a lot of frustration for someone having Asperger trying to live in this non-aspie world.
The child developmental psycologist Piaget made this experiment a long time ago. He had a model of a mountain placed on a table and then placed two kids at one side of the table each. Now each kid was able to see their side of the mountain but not the other´s. This results for someone, not being in that same room but rather just hearing the kids describing the mountain afterwards, will end up thinking one of the kids must be lying or be deillusional. Cause even if both kids saw, and are now describing, the same model they will tell you two different stories.
The same goes for Asperger people living in this world and being forced to interpret the world as non-aspie. We stand on one side of the table but are expected to describe the other side of that mountain. This, of course, cause a lot of misunderstanding.
One symptom that is often heard is Asperger people not having empathy. Now, for a person saying that, a non-aspie, it comes only logic to an aspie, that this person probably considers themselves as having great empathy. Looking up the word empathy it seems very strange to why these non-aspies are trying to drag aspies to their side of the table instead of simply walking over to our side. But that just doesn´t happen.
Asperger people do not lack empathy. Sociopaths lack empathy. Empathy is knowing and caring about other people´s feelings. Asperger people can recognize emotions in other´s. Asperger people are also capable of understanding that emotions affect people and can even be affeted by it. Asperger people are not sociopaths, they just don´t know exactly what to do about the situation. Cause the mountain of an aspie comes with a high degree of logic and it just doesn´t seem logic to be expected to guess what you want to be done from what emotion you are experiencing. Specially since that "doing" isn´t the same on every single occassion. And in fact, non-aspies don´t alway know either what to do on every single occassion and cause each other conflicts and pain. I would state that some non-aspies don´t appriciate the way aspies show they care.
You let an aspie know what you want they to do next time you get sad or cry and I promise you, if that aspie actually cares about you, they will do exactly that. Aspies just can´t guess if you changed your mind and now wants they to do something different without letting them know. Neither do aspies get the logic in showing empathy to someone they don´t care about nor are in some kind of danger.
It´s just a matter of you sometimes playing by aspie rules for a change and let the Asperger person know so they have a change to actually applying what you want them to do.
Those times when a person shows an angry face and lets you know "I´m not angry" it if very confusing for aspies. For these occassion an aspie don´t know what to trust. Your voice or your face. Cause aspies take a lot of trust in the said and/or written words. In that way you can always trust an aspie to give you a straight answer. So don´t ask an Asperger person questions you don´t want a straightforward answer to.
Getting back to that dual person saying and showing different things. This causes the Asperger person to have an inner conflict, simply because of not knowing how to handle things not adding up. That brings confusion and in the end anxiety to the aspie bodie. That makes the Asperger person not being able to respond to your emotions cause of having their own ones being quite enough at that time. You just have to deal with it, like non-aspies make aspies dealing with un-logical expression.
That is also a cause for the aspie-symptom of "not showing expressions". So, aspies don´t have a vivid body language but I can assure you the emotional life inside can be at times.
Lastly I´d like to adress the fact of stressing. Don´t ever stress an Asperger person. Asperger people thrive on logic and logic is an artform that takes time. You just can´t force that. Instead I suggest you simply let the Asperger person know that since this thinking is taking such time you will head out in the kitchen to do something else instead. And how that doesn´t mean you are going to abandon the aspie but will be back. And PLEASE do not tell in what time you will be back unless you have a timer nearby! Cause aspies just hate it when you say "be there at eleven" when instead you mean "eleven-ish".
This comes from having a need of things being scheduled. That need comes from not being able to understand some basic things that goes on in this non-aspie world. I think you would feel confused as well if you lived in a country with rituals and behaviors that didn´t make sense or comprehension to you.
I have also heard that aspies are not designed to get along very well with other aspies for some reason. That is complete bullshit. Why else do you think the internet exists? It is for aspies to hang out together.
From my experience, Associating with aspies is maybe not the most intense meeting you will encounter but for me, as an aspie, it if a great feeling of security and relaxation. Cause then I know that what is said is true and I don´t have to think twice before asking anything. And when I ask I get a straightforward answer to what I asked and not something completely else. I sometimes notice the other aspie and I weren´t thinking alike and then I will get maybe a shorter answer than expected but the only thing I have to do then is to rephrase my question and I get an answer.